Power & Compassion Christian Marriage Retreat is the work of Dale Lee [Ed.S. LCPC] & Adi Lee [M.A.], a husband and wife counseling team w/a love for Christ and a passion for helping people.

The Laws Of A Happy Marriage

Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

Marriage just like every other area of our lives has certain laws which must be recognized and adhered to in order for it to work and be successful. Why is it that we recognize the existence of these infallible laws in other areas of our lives, and we never question their dominance or try to fight against them. However in our marriages we spend so much of our time trying to deny the existence of the laws of a happy marriage relationship, and we are constantly fighting to have our own way. We somehow assume that in marriage we can rise above the basic laws which are necessary for a happy marriage to exist. We try and reinvent a scenario in which our own selfish goals and desires can be glorified, and we try to deny the existence of the basic laws which are required for a happy marriage to exist.

Laws That Lead To Success

Marriage is not much different than all the other areas of our lives where certain laws are required for success.

Let me ask you a question. If you were put in charge of the aerospace engineering department at NASA, and it was your responsibility to oversee a mission which was going to send multiple people into space to work on the International Space Station, how would you handle that job and that responsibility? We all know that a successful aeronautics program is governed by a set of very specific laws and principles which must be practiced and followed in a very specific manner in order for our mission to be successful.

We know by studying aerodynamics that there are certain laws in physics which must be adhered to in order for our spaceflight to be a success. In order to get an object like our plane or space shuttle to create movement and energy and transform it into a force which can defy gravity and fly into space and back again safely, requires our adherence to the laws of aerodynamics.

Applying The Laws Of Aerodynamics

F16 Fighter JetFirst of all we understand the law of Drag, which states that objects which push a lot of air such as an open parachute, create a lot of drag or resistance which is a direct contradiction to what we are trying to achieve. In order to get our airplane to fly we want to reduce the drag is much as possible, so that our airplane moves quickly and effortlessly through the air with very little resistance. Secondly we understand that we must overcome the law of gravity if we want to fly. Gravity is a very powerful force. In fact it is actually a law too, which prevented man from being able to fly for thousands of years. It wasn’t until the laws of Thrust and Lift were better understood that we were able to figure out how to overcome the law of gravity and create machines which have the power to defy gravity and create flight.

Thrust is the forward movement of our plane created by the jet engines or the propellers. But thrust in itself is not enough to make our airplane fly, we also must understand and apply the laws of Lift in order to get our airplane off the ground. Lift occurs when the air below the airplane wing is pushing up harder than the air above it is pushing down. It is this difference in pressure which enables our airplane to fly. Our airplane wings are shaped in such a way that air moves more quickly over the top of the wing than it does beneath the wing, which results in an upward push…or lift.

The point I’m trying to make here is that in order for our flight to be successful, we must adhere to and live in accordance with each of these laws of aerodynamics. In fact, it is absolutely crucial that we have all of these laws working together harmoniously if we want to achieve our goal and accomplish flight.

The Laws Of Success In Marriage

The same is true with marriage. There are certain laws which must be adhered to. There are certain laws which we must live by if we want our marriages to be successful and happy. The laws of marriage are things like love, patience, kindness, sincerity, trust, communication, being attentive to your partner’s needs and desires. Why do we think that we can ignore these laws of love and marriage and still manage to maintain a happy and fruitful relationship?

Our marriage is much like the spacecraft mentioned above. Each of the laws of marriage have got to work together harmoniously just like the laws of aerodynamics, if we want to achieve success. If any of these laws are violated then you and your spouse run the risk of going into a tailspin and crashing in a spectacular fashion.

Struggles Are Not An Excuse To Quit or Give Up!

married coupleNow let’s revert back to our aerospace scenario for just a moment. If something went wrong with our aircraft prior to our mission launch what would we do? Would we throw our hands in the air and say, “See I new it, this thing just isn’t working.” Would we be so quick to give up and call the whole mission off? Of course not. We would get back to work! We would remedy the problem, and we would continue marching forward towards our goal. Failure would never be an option with our space mission, so why would we ever consider it to be an option in our marriages?

When things go wrong in your marriage, and I guarantee you that they will. It is not a time to give up and quit your mission. It is simply a time to get back to work. It is a time to reevaluate where you went off course. It is time to recognize which of the laws of marriage you have not been living in accordance with. It is simply a warning signal that you need to right your course.

Your marriage is the biggest and most important mission you will ever embark on in this life. Treat it with the respect that it deserves. Check yourself and make sure that you are living in accordance with the laws of marriage. If you are not then evaluate your behavior to determine which of the laws you are not living up to, and make the necessary adjustments in order to get back on track and begin loving your spouse the way that you promised that you would when you first gave your vows.

Recognize that there are certain laws that govern how we must pursue a healthy marriage and relationship. And just like a flight into space, if we want our marriage to be a success, we must learn to live in accordance with those laws.

Learn how to apply the laws of a happy relationship to your marriage by attending one of our Christian marriage retreats.  You can learn more at http://www.ChristianMarriageRetreats.net

Commit To Love, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It…The Emotions Will Follow.

Wednesday, February 20th, 2013

joined together in christian marriageIt is easy to love your spouse when everything is going good in your marriage. When the romance is alive and things are going well. When your spouse and you are getting along great and the lines of communication are active and amicable. It is easy to commit to love and affection in those times. But we all know that those magical moments only make up a small percentage of a real marriage. Every married couple will be quick to let you know that there are also times, many times, when you feel as though your spouse is just to preoccupied with their job, or the kids to give you the love and attention that you need and crave from your relationship. There will be times when you feel yourself wanting to scream out to the world…”What About ME!!!” Times when you feel like you have been abandoned inside your own marriage. What do you do during these times, when you certainly are not “feeling” love. When you find yourself becoming calloused and angry because you feel like you are being neglected and ignored in your marriage.

I am going to be completely honest with you here. You will face these moments in your marriage. Every married person does at some point. I am not saying that it is right, or okay that your spouse may at times “forget” to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve in your relationship. It is not right that we allow our jobs, our children, our passions and our pastimes to creep into and overshadow our relationships with our spouses at times. But it does happen. And when it does, you need to know how to handle the situation. So what do you do? How do you effectively handle the situation in a fashion that will lead to a more healthy and positive marriage in the long term?

Well, for starters, you must remember to always take your difficult and trying circumstances before the Lord in prayer. After all it is only God who can give us the stamina and the grace we need to get through any of the difficult situations in our lives. But beyond that, the most effective practical thing you can do to get through these difficult moments is to make a choice.

Make a choice to love. Make a choice to stand by your commitment, the commitment that you made when you stood at the alter and said “I DO…Till death do us part.” That is not a promise that is made lightly. It is a promise that is meant to serve you and your spouse in those times when the going gets rough. It is a promise to stay committed to love even when you don’t feel like it. Love is easy to do when everyone is happy, and everything is good. Commitment is second nature when things are going good. It is when you don’t feel like loving that you must love all the stronger. It is when you don’t feel like your own needs are being met and when your feelings are hurt that you must commit to loving and serving your spouse all the more.

Love is not a emotion, it is an action. Commitment is not a reaction, it is a promise.

Scripture clearly demonstrates Gods example of this love for us in Romans 5 verse 8 where it says…

“But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us.”

Did God wait for the people of this earth to show Him love and meet His needs before He came down and laid down His own life as a sacrifice for our sins and condemnation? No He did not. He actively chose to love us in spite of our sins and selfishness and failures. He made a commitment to love us and serve us and die for us, even as we were cursing Him, and spitting in His face, and making fun of Him and turning our back on Him in hatred and shame.

The King James version puts it this way… ” God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” The word ‘commendeth’ here means ” to show, prove, establish, or exhibit” … “to bring together or fuse together as one.” So even as we were hating and mocking God, He CHOSE to love us and commit to us His blood and His life, that we might be saved and set free.

And because He first loved us, we…(those of us who are walking the true Christian life)… came to realize that love and in that realization, we understand that we owe Christ our everything, and we in turn give all of our love and affection back to Him.

This is the design and the example that God has set forth for us to follow in our marriages and in our lives. It is God’s plan for your marriage that you CHOOSE to love and make a PROMISE of commitment, regardless of what your feelings may suggest. Remember, love is not about feelings, it is about a promise that you made. As we chose to love our spouse, the feelings and emotions will follow.

You can learn more ways to love your spouse even when you don’t feel like it, and pick up tips and strategies for dealing with hurt and anxiety in your marriage by visiting www.ChristianMarriageRetreats.net.

Love Is A Choice, Not A Feeling

Saturday, March 17th, 2012

Often times couples, after having been married for several years, start to allow the romance and passion of their marriage to fade. They get caught up in the mundane monotony of everyday life… working hard to pay the bills… taking care of the kids… keeping a clean house… caring for aging parents… all of these things and so much more can easily crowd in and distract us from taking the time to love and appreciate our spouse they way we need to in order to keep the romance alive in our marriage.

 

When people find themselves in this type of situation their feelings of love and affection towards their spouse can often get pushed aside and begin to fade or be forgotten. But the truth is, love is not a feeling. Love is a promise. Love is a decision and a commitment that you made when you said your vows to one another at the altar of marriage before your family, your friends, and God. Love is a choice that you made “for better or for worse…til death do us part.”

 

Love is an action, not a feeling. It is something that you must control, not something that you are controlled by.

 

People who are having problems in their marriage often say things like “I just don’t feel like I am in love with her any more,” or “I’ve just fallen out of love with him.” But when you understand that love is a choicea decisiona promise, not a feeling that you are controlled by, then you will understand that love is not something that you can “fall out of” or something that “fades away.” Passion and romance is something that we can easily let fade away, when we are not careful, but our commitment to love is something that you can never “fall out of” of give up on.

 

Because love is a choice and a promise it is something that you cannot give up on or choose not to do. It is something that you must fight for and something that you must take drastic measures in order to preserve and keep alive. It is something that you plan for and budget for and treat the same way as you would any other important thing in your life like your job or your hobby.

 

This might look like setting aside one night each week as a “date night” with your spouse where you go out for a nice dinner, or go to a movie or play, or simply take a quite and romantic walk together down town or in a park… anything that allows you guys to step out of the everyday mundane and focus your attention on one another.

 

It also means you should set aside some time every few months, or at least once or twice a year to do something really special together like a special holiday or romantic vacation. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive if your budget cannot afford it, but it does have to be something that shows your thoughtfulness and care for one another. An example of this could be planning a romantic getaway to a place you have never been before and creating an itinerary that focuses your time and attention during this holiday specifically on one another. Many people enjoy and receive great romantic and emotional benefits from planning a weekend getaway to Power & Compassion’s Marriage Retreat’s in northwest Montana for this very reason.

 

Whatever you decide to do, remember, that love is a choice and a promise that you made to your spouse. Love is not a feeling that you are controlled by or that you can loose or fall out of. It is something that you must harness and control yourself. It is an action and a promise. Fight for it!

My Life’s Destiny Of Grace (A Marriage Prayer)

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

Father, in the name of Jesus and according to your Word, I pray my life will be lived according to your will. So that you’re heavenly perspective will prevail over my earthly choices, circumstances, and decisions. I pray that You, Lord, will be my divine Guidance and my Deliverance from the enemy that comes to kill, steal, and destroy. For your glory and by your will, I cancel every lie of the enemy regarding the destiny of myself and my family.

Thank you for the authority You have given me with the name of Jesus. I exercise my spiritual authority over the current circumstances of my marriage to fortify God’s destiny and sustain undaunted commitment toward a Godly heritage for my family. I know your thoughts toward me are to give me a future and a hope for my life. Inspire me by your Holy Spirit’s grace and mercy to be in tune with your purpose and plan for my life. As your faith child, I am thanking you for the power and right to claim each one of your pure and holy promises over me as a covering, and I promise to minister this covering over my family. I call upon You as my Provider to release your answers so You may show us great and mighty things.

No success in my life will outweigh a failure in my marriage. Quicken my heart for fervent prayer and ignite passionate love aflame for God and my marriage. You are the Author and Finisher of my faith. Help me yield to your plan. You nurture my growth in Your image and likeness as I choose to love and serve others. From this day forward, I choose to trust in you with all my heart, no longer leaning on my own understanding, but following your lead. I now drop my agenda and commit our marriage as a welcome place for your perfect wisdom.
Paul’s tender letter to the Ephesians encourages me to forgive my spouse as quickly and completely as God in Christ forgives me. I do not want your forgiveness to be withheld from me, by my lack of forgiveness to others. Your wonder-working love covers a multitude of sins, and so, in your gracious and final manner, I forgive those who have trespassed against me. Wash away any resentment or anger toward myself or toward my spouse. With thankfulness and humility let me be generous in granting forgiveness as You so generously granted me forgiveness.

Your holy scripture instructs me to love my spouse as you have loved me. Your plan for my marriage is both as simple and as difficult as that. God love my spouse through me. “You in me and I in you” (John 4:20). Fill me with your faithful, unfailing love. Guide me as a peacemaker making each word a gift to bring relational restoration to my spouse and with all others. I recognize that people are created in your image and are infinitely precious to You. Let my heart overflow with the power of Your Spirit.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken, even as a Christ-centered marriage is strong. I open our marriage to Christ’s love as our strongest strand. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I will pray daily for the joy of the Lord in my spouse. You are true to your promise, 0 Lord, for you will never leave me or forsake me. With You as my Helper I shall do valiantly. Truly You are the Faithful God, the Merciful God, the Mighty God, the Great God, and the Living God. My life is transformed with you as our Lord, our Righteousness.

Jesus you are the Deliverer, Friend, and Majesty of my life. You are my Creator and Sustainer, my Consolation and my Wonderful Counselor. You are the hidden Wisdom of the ages who lives to make intercession for my spouse and for myself, both in our marriage and in our outreach to others. Because you are the Lawgiver, your grace is sufficient for me and You are my joy. Amidst all of life’s daily trials You deliver me from my fears and instill firm courage.

Any difficulties, discouragements, or abrasive afflictions are but a whetstone to sharpen a zealous and ardent spirit in my life for You. For You are Truth, Justice, Righteousness and the Perfection for My Life. I commit my life and our marriage to You, “our Dayspring from on high … ” as You “guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1:78-79).

“The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8: 10)”

Scripture References: Jeremiah 29:11; 33:3; Hebrew 7:25; John 10:10; 15:11; James 4:12; Ephesians 4:29, 31-32; 2 John 5

©2007 Dale & Adi Lee http://www.ChristianMarriageRetreats.net

Three Tips For Strengthening Your Marriage

Saturday, November 19th, 2011

Marriages start out with a “till death do us part” but sadly those words hold very little meaning in peoples hearts and minds these days. Today it seems to be that most people live by the philosophy of “till major argument or disagreement do us part”.

This is a sad reality in our world today, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Marriage is not just a bond that is to be honored when everything is bright and sunny, it is a commitment to love and care for your spouse through the good times and the bad, when the skies are sunny and when they are gray.

Below are a few tips to help you keep your marriage running strong and the romance alive.

  1. Share the responsibility of marriage and don’t allow yourself to become complacent.Remember that even though some things may have changed, and you may be going through a rough time right now, your spouse is still the same person that you fell in love with, and the same person you made a commitment to love and care for for life…the same person for whom your heart skipped a beat every-time you saw one another. With time, marriage can become monotonous and boring as you get entangled in all the responsibilities of everyday married life. Children can complicate things even more. But the truth is that the responsibilities have always been there, it is only your perspectives on the responsibilities of marriage that have changed. Remember that a marriage is a two-way street. The responsibilities of a marriage are something that you must share equally with your spouse in order to keep your relationship healthy and strong. Don’t allow yourself to become complacent and don’t start dropping the ball on your responsibilities in a marriage. Just because you have put a ring on their finger doesn’t mean you should stop trying to ‘win’ the approval of your spouse every single day just like you used to do when you were dating. One way to do that is to remember to stay faithful to your responsibilities as a companion and marriage partner to your spouse and your family and go above and beyond to make them feel loved and comforted.
  2. It’s never too late to impress.When was the last time that you wanted to look good (i.e. good and sexy) for your partner? If you cannot remember the answer to that question, then its time to suit up… Remember that spark…that special chemistry that you used to feel when your spouse would dress up in a special outfit, or in their best cloths, just because they wanted to look good for you. It is not too late to invoke those same feelings of love and excitement in your spouse today. Step outside the box and outside of your comfort zone and make yourself look good and sexy for your spouse. Whether that means putting on your ‘sunday best’ for a night out on the town, or putting on some sexy apparel for a ‘special night in’ you might be very surprised at what an impact this simple act can have on your relationship with your spouse.
  3. Go on a mini-honeymoonWe all start to take things for granted when we get too used to a situation. Don’t allow this to happen with your spouse. It is so important that you never take your spouse for granted. A good way to ensure that that does not happen is to plan some special time away on a regular basis to do something special with your spouse. A mini-honeymoon if you will, at least once each month. This can be something as simple as a nice evening out at your favorite restaurant, or a weekend getaway to a romantic resort somewhere. It doesn’t have to be something where you spend a lot of money either, some of the best memories that we all have in life are from the times that we allowed our imagination to run wild and did something unique and out of the ordinary. The idea is to make your spouse feel some love and excitement. You want them to recognize that you have taken the time to design a little ‘getaway’ that is just for them, to show them that you still care.

Learn more about ways that you can build a stronger relationship with your spouse and help to fortify your marriage by visiting http://www.christianmarriageretreats.net